More Food...MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Make Sure Your Teen Gets Enough Calcium

American teenage girls are not getting enough calcium according to a new study. Calcium is crucial for building healthy bones and preventing osteoporosis in later years. Both females and males ages 9 to 18 need to consume 1,300 milligrams of calcium per day for good bone health. Make sure your teen is getting enough calcium in her or his diet. A few examples of foods rich in calcium and their calcium amount include: 1 cup of milk—300 mg, grilled cheese sandwich—350 mg, 1 cup of fat-free plain yogurt—450 mg, calcium-fortified orange juice—300 mg, 1 slice of cheese pizza—220 mg, ½ cup macaroni and cheese—180 mg, ½ cup of fat-free frozen yogurt—105 mg, and 1 cup of broccoli—80 mg

Eat a Rainbow Every Day

Colorful fruits and vegetables deliver healthful doses of vitamins, minerals, and disease-fighting phytochemicals. The darker the color of the fruit or vegetable, the more nutrients it usually contains. Here are some examples: color green—lettuce, spinach, kiwi, and broccoli; yellow/orange—sweat potatoes, cantaloupe, oranges, and carrots; red—tomatoes, strawberries, cranberries, and apples; blue/purple—blueberries, purple grapes, plums and egg plant; and white—onions, garlic, and leeks.

Eating More Fruits and Vegetables and Less Fat, Leading Weight-Loss Strategies

According to a new survey of eating habits commissioned by the American Institute for Cancer Research (AICR), 4 in 5 weight-conscious Americans are taking an old-fashioned, “common-sense” approach to managing their weight. They turn to salads, fruits, and vegetables and decrease the amount of fat in their diet when trying to shed a few pounds. The fact that a clear majority of Americans are adopting this approach, amid the low-carb marketing craze, is encouraging news to health experts concerned about the state of nutrition in the U.S.

Men Shoot for 9

Men need to fuel up and shoot for 9 servings of fruits and vegetables a day for better health. A diet rich in fruits and vegetables helps reduce men’s risk for many cancers, heart disease, high blood pressure and diabetes. Why 9 for men? Men have high rates of diet-related diseases.

Barley Lowers Cholesterol Levels

Barley is very high in soluble fiber but is not often eaten in the American diet. A new study shows that barley is very effective in lowering cholesterol. Test subjects were fed standard diets plus barley at a low, moderate, or high level. They added barley flakes, barley flour, or pearled barley to common foods such as pancakes, granola, cookies, hot cereal, steamed grain, tabbouleh, and muffins. Those eating the moderate or high barley diet had a significant drop in total cholesterol (9-10%) and a 14-17% drop in LDL cholesterol. Need help in lowering your cholesterol? Try incorporating more barley in your diet. Look for barley flour, flakes, and pearled barley to add to your foods. Barley also has the lowest glycemic index of any grain (coarse barley bread has a glycemic index of 39 compared to wheat bread at 99). For best results in lowering cholesterol, aim to eat at least 6g of beta-glucan (the soluble fiber found in barley) daily.

Can Cinnamon Lower Blood Sugar? 

As early as 2700 BC, Chinese herbalists treated diarrhea and kidney disorders with cinnamon. Later, Greek healers and practitioners of Indian Ayurvedic medicine valued it as a remedy for digestive problems. Cinnamon may help lower cholesterol and triglycerides. Compounds in cinnamon may activate enzymes that stimulate insulin receptors.

B Vitamins and Memory

B vitamins, especially B12, folate, and B6 (pyridoxine) are crucial for normal brain function. A Swedish study tested the memories of 167 older people free of dementia or depression but who were at greater risk for Alzheimer's disease. On the morning they tested memory they also drew blood and tested for B vitamins. The people who had normal levels of vitamin B12 did better on their memory tests than those with lower levels of B12. Folate also seemed to help memory but not as much as B12.

Getting adequate vitamin B12 may help the brain stay healthy and help you retain your memory as you get older. Milk is a good source of B12. Persons who don't eat dairy or meat may be low in B12 levels unless they are taking a supplement. As a person get older, B12 is not absorbed as well, so a lack of B12 is common even in non-vegetarians. The Institute of Medicine recommends persons over 50 get most of their B12 from fortified foods or a supplement because they are better absorbed. Be sure you get plenty of B12 daily. Good sources of folate include green leafy vegetables, legumes (especially lentils), oranges, and food yeast (add to tofu, soups, roasts).

Ah Beng Part 2

(Act 1)
Ah Beng calls the telephone operator.
Ah Beng: 'Could you please tell me the time difference between Singapore and New York ?'
Operator: 'Just a minute...'
Ah Beng: 'Thank you.'
Ah Beng got his answer and cut off the line.

(Act 2)
At a bar in New York , the man sat next to Ah Beng told the bartender,'JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE..' and his companion said, 'JACK DANIELS,SINGLE.'
The bartender turned to Ah Beng and asked, 'AND YOU, SIR?'
Ah Beng replied: 'Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED.'

(Act 3)
After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite sometime,
Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.
'It took me only 5 MONTHS to do it,' Ah Beng said. 'FIVE MONTHS?
'Why did you take so long.' the friend asked.
Ah Beng replied, 'No, it is not long at all, look at the box, it says it is for 4 to 7 years'.

(Act 4)
Ah Beng took part in the Singapore Manhunt Competition.
During the Q&A segment, the host asks, 'Name a drink that begins with the letter 'G'.
The crowd shouts, 'Gin! Gin!'.
Others exclaim, 'No, its Grape Juice!'
Another smart aleck yells, 'Alamak, Gatorade!'
Host : 'Quiet please.'
Ah Beng laughs hysterically like a hyena before replying, 'C'mon man, I don't need their help? I got more original answer.
My answer is 'Gu ni!' (milk in Hokkien)

(Act 5)
Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it when he encountered some problems. After a few attempts, he decided to use the 'Help' command. Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer shop for support. Ah Beng : 'I pressed the 'F1' key for help... but it's been over half an hour & still nobody has come to help me....'

(Act 6)
In the class. Teacher: 'Class, do you know the meaning of parents?'
Ah Beng: 'Yes, teacher, it means father and mother.'
Teacher: 'Good. Can you give me an example?'
Ah Beng: 'Sure. Cowboy's parents means cowboy's father and mother. Also can say Cowboy's father is Cow Pay and Cowboy's mother is Cow Boo. So if they walk together, we can say they are 'Cow Pay Cow Boo'.'

(Act 7)
Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered ,' I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring lor- but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear. So Kena lor!' 'Oh Dear!' the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. 'But, what happened to the other ear?' Ah Beng: 'That stupid fellow called back again loh!'

(Act 8 )
Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?
Because according to the advertisement, below 18 is not allowed to go in.

Fun Food facts......

"Fast Food" Isn't New!

The remains of fast-food shops have been found in ancient ruins! Even ancient Greeks enjoyed take-out. The only thing that is new is the mass production, standard menus and recipes of fast-food "chains." Wow!

 Ice Cream Is Chinese Food!

When the famous explorer Marco Polo returned to his homeland of Italy, from China in 1295, he brought back a recipe (among other things). The recipe, was a Chinese recipe for a desert called "Milk Ice." However, Europeans substituted cream for the milk, and voila..."Ice Cream." Ice cream has been a hit ever since!

  Carrots Really Can Help You See In The Dark!

Vitamin A is known to prevent "night blindness," and carrots are loaded with Vitamin A. So, why not load-up today!

  The Word "Salary" Comes From "Salt!"

Salt, our oldest preservative, was extremely rare in the past. So rare, in fact, that it was often used as pay. Imagine...earning a couple of tablespoons of salt for a hard-days work. Today, salt is so common that restaurants give it away for free, and packaged food contains so much that it's far too easy to eat too much salt (salt is also known as "sodium"). 

  Sometimes Frozen Fruits And Vegetables
  Are More Nutritious Than Fresh!

The longer that fruits or vegetables sit around waiting to be sold or eaten, the more nutrients they lose. But fruits and vegetables grown for freezing are usually frozen right after they're picked. Therefore, they have less time to lose their nutrients.

Random Facts

*Ducks quacks don't echo. No one knows why.
*Hitler's mother thought about having an abortion, but was talked out of it by her doctor.
*We shed 40 pounds of skin in a lifetime.
*Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
*Right handed people live on average 9 years longer than left handed people.
*A person uses approximately fifty-seven sheets of toilet paper each day.
*In Singapore, it is illegal to sell or own chewing gum.
*"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
*A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
*Coca-Cola would be green if colouring weren’t added to it.
*Donald Duck was banned in Finland for a while because he doesn't wear pants.
*The longest word in the English language is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.
*111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
*The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan."
*The manufacturing documentation for a Jumbo Jet weighs more than a Jumbo Jet.
*If electrodes are inserted at opposite ends of a pickle, and electricity is passed through, the pickle will glow.
*The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
*Mel Blanc, the voice of Bugs Bunny, was allergic to carrots.
*40% of cases a pizza will arrive sooner than an ambulance.
*Most toilets flush in E-flat.
*It is believed that Shakespeare was 46 around the time that the King James Version of the Bible was written. In Psalms 46, the 46th word from the first word is shake and the 46th word from the last word is spear.
*The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in jelly.
*In the average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of 5 times around the equator.
*A hummingbird weighs less than a penny.
*The longest one-syllable word is "screeched."
*Frowning burns more calories than smiling.
*1/4 of the bones in your body are in your feet.
*The average woman consumes 6 pounds of lipstick in her lifetime.
*The bullfrog is the only animal that never sleeps.
*If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn white.
*A ball of glass will bounce higher that a ball of rubber.
*Children grow faster in the spring.
*On average, a human being will spend up to 2 weeks kissing in his/her lifetime.
*Mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas.
*A sneeze travels out of your mouth at over100 miles per hour.
*Some ribbon worms will eat themselves if they cant find any food.
*A "dude" is an infected hair on an elephants butt.
*The average person has a total of 6 pounds of skin.
*Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.
*On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
*On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.
*Red is the most commonly colored vehicle involved in accidents each year.
*The swastika was originally a symbol of peace and honor and is still used by Buddhists today.
*Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
*Shakespeare invented the words "assassination" and "bump."
*In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
*American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
*The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
*Marilyn Monroe had 6 toes.

Is Hell exothermic or Endothermic?

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering mid-term. The answer was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, and the sharing obviously hasn't ceased.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote Proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let us look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

This student received the only A.

50 Funniest Stories - Part 2

26. My brother Jim was hired by a government agency and assigned to a small office cubicle in a large area. At the end of his first day, he realized he had no idea how to get out. He wandered around, lost in the maze of cubicles and corridors. Just as panic began to set in, he came upon another employee in a cubicle. "How do you get out of here?" Jim asked.
The fellow smiled and said, "No cheese for you."
--Christine Probasco

27. I am five feet three inches tall and pleasingly plump. After I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room. The triage nurse asked for my height and weight, and I blurted out, "Five-foot-eight and 125 pounds." "Sweetheart," my mother gently chided, "this is not the Internet."
--M.M.

28. Anytime companies merge, employees worry about layoffs. When the company I work for was bought, I was no exception. My fears seemed justified when a photo of the newly merged staff appeared on the company's website with the following words underneath: "Updated daily."
--Dianne Stevens

One for the Road
29. Our first day at a resort, my wife and I decided to hit the beach. When I went back to our room to get something to drink, one of the hotel maids was making our bed. I grabbed my cooler and was on my way out when I paused and asked, "Can we drink beer on the beach?"
"Sure," she said, "but I have to finish the rest of the rooms first."
--Louis Allard

30. My friend John and I, determined to see the world, signed on to a Norwegian freighter as deckhands. We were being trained as helmsmen, and John's first lesson was given by the mate, a seasoned but gentle white-haired seafarer. John was holding the heading he'd been given, when the mate ordered, "Come starboard."
Pleased at knowing which way starboard was, John left the helm and walked over to his instructor. As the helm swung freely, the mate politely asked, "Could you bring the ship with you?"
--Bruce Ingraham

31. Sitting in coach during a lengthy flight, my wife and I heard a flight attendant ask the high-paying passengers in first class, "Would you care for Chardonnay or Burgundy?"
A few minutes later, the curtains between the two sections parted, and the attendant wheeled the wine cart back to our aisle. "Excuse me," he said, looking down at us, "would you care for a glass of wine? We have white and red."
--William V. Copeland

Press '1' for...
32. When Dad's satellite dish conked out, I found him on the phone with the help desk. The TV set was pulled away from the wall, and he was staring at the mass of tangled wires spilling out the back of it.
He looked absolutely overwhelmed.
"Tell you what I'm going to do," Dad said to the technician. "I'm going to hang up now, go to college for a couple of years, and then call you back."
--Dana Marisca

33. My 50-something friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to access the popular Ask Jeeves site, and we told her it could answer any question she had. Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's true, Mom. Think of something to ask it."
As I sat with my fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's mother thought for a minute, then responded, "How is Aunt Helen feeling?"
--Catherine Burns

34. A pastor I know has a standard liturgy for funerals. To personalize each service, he uses the Find and Replace command on his computer to replace the name of the deceased from the previous funeral with the name of the deceased for the upcoming one. Recently, he had to replace the name Mary with Edna.
The next morning, the funeral was going smoothly until the congregation intoned the Apostles' Creed. "Jesus Christ," they read from the preprinted program, "born of the Virgin Edna."
--Robin Greenspan

35. I feel inadequate when talking with a mechanic, so when my vehicle started making a strange noise, I sought help from a friend. A car nut, he told me how to explain the difficulty when I took it in for repair.
At the shop, I proudly recited, "The timing is off, and there are premature detonations, which may damage the valves."
As I smugly glanced over the mechanic's shoulder, I saw him write on his clipboard, "Lady says it makes a funny noise."
--Kate Kellogg

How Do You Spell IQ?
36. My friend was flabbergasted. She'd read that in a recent survey, our home state of California was ranked 47 in a list of the nation's smartest states.
"Can you believe that?" she fumed. "We're 47 out of 52!"
--Juan Gonzales

37. Halfway through dinner one night, our friend Jim told us of his days playing football in college as a defensive lineman.
"Did you play sports in college, Mike?" his wife then asked me.
"Yes," I answered. "I was on West Point's shooting team."
"That's great," she said. "Offense or defense?"
--Mike Maloney

38. Strolling through town, I saw a road worker printing a sign that read "Raised Manhole Ahead." I pointed out that there were more like ten raised manholes. The sign, he assured me, would be changed.
Later that day, the sign was corrected. It now read "Raised Menhole Ahead."
--Minx McCloud

39. Since I was a new patient, I had to fill out an information form for the doctor's files. The nurse reading it over noticed my unusual name.
"How do you pronounce it?" she asked.
"Na-le-Y-ko," I said, proud of my Ukrainian heritage.
"That sounds real nice," she said, smiling.
"Yes, it is melodious," I agreed.
"So," she asked sweetly, "what part of Melodia is your family from?"
--Ann Nalywajko

40. These newspaper editors stand corrected. From The Silver City (New Mexico) Daily Press: "Due to technical difficulties, Tuesday's page 7 was inadvertently left out and replaced with Monday's page 7. Today, page 5 will feature Tuesday's front page, while page 6 will be the correct page 7 for Tuesday."
--Robin Shetler

Edible Complex
41. The local market has a bin where employees keep returned items. The bin is labeled "Spoils." I never thought much about it, until one afternoon I heard an announcement over the loudspeaker: "Victor to the spoils. Thank you."
--Chris Dejong

42. It was an absolutely crazy evening at our emergency clinic. The doctor on duty was being bombarded with questions, given forms to fill out, and even asked for his dinner order. I was in the next room, cleaning up a sutured wound, when I realized the doctor hadn't given instructions for a bandage.
"What kind of dressing do you want on that?" I shouted through the door.
"Ranch," he yelled back.
--Brenda Todd

Gee, Thanks for the Help
43. For some reason, the bookstore clerk couldn't get the computer to recognize my preferred customer card. Peering over her shoulder at the screen, I said, "There's part of the problem. It shows my birth date as 12/31/1899."
"That's right," my husband chimed in. "She was born in June, not December."
--M. Patricia Capin

44. At 82 years old, my husband applied for his first passport. He was told he would need a birth certificate, but his birth had never been officially registered.
When he explained his dilemma to the passport agent, the response was less than helpful. "It's all right," the agent said. "Just bring a notarized affidavit from the doctor who delivered you."
--Elgarda Ashliman

War Stories
45. Short and baby-faced, my buddy Wiggins had trouble being taken seriously in the Army. A mustache, he assumed, would fix that. He was wrong.
"Wiggins!" bellowed our drill instructor after spotting the growth during inspection. "What's so special about your nose that it's got to be underlined?"
--K. Trott

46. While my husband was stationed overseas, our four-year-old daughter decided that she needed a baby brother.
"Good idea," I told her. "But don't you think we should wait till your father's home?"
She had a better idea. "Why don't we just surprise him?"
--Kay Schmidt

47. During basic training, our drill sergeant asked all Jewish personnel to make themselves known. Six of us tentatively raised our hands. Much to our relief, we were given the day off for Rosh Hashanah.
A few days later, in anticipation of Yom Kippur, the sergeant again asked for all Jewish personnel to identify themselves. This time, every soldier raised his hand. "Only those who were Jewish last week can be Jewish this week," declared the sergeant.
--Allen Israel

48. Just before I was deployed to Iraq, I sat my eight-year-old son down and broke the news to him.
"I'm going to be away for a long time," I told him. "I'm going to Iraq."
"Why?" he asked. "Don't you know there's a war going on over there?"
--Thomas Cioppa

49. When I worked as a medical intern in a hospital, one of my patients was an elderly man with a thick accent. It took a while before I understood that he had no health insurance. Since he was a World War II vet, I had him transported to a VA hospital, where he'd be eligible for benefits.
The next day, my patient was back, along with this note from the VA admitting nurse: "Right war, wrong side."
--M. Murray

50. Few people outside the military know what a quartermaster does. So during my aircraft carrier's Family Day, I demonstrated a procedure called semaphore-I grabbed my flags and signaled an imaginary boat.
When finished, I pointed to a little girl in front and asked, "Now do you know what I do?"
"Yes," she answered. "You're a cheerleader."
--Danny Sullivan

50 Funniest Stories - Part 1

Ill Defined
1. We were really confused. While transcribing medical audiotapes, a colleague came upon the following garbled diagnosis: "This man has pholenfrometry."
Knowing nothing about that particular condition, she double-checked with the doctor. After listening to the tape, he shook his head.
"This man," he said, translating for her, "has fallen from a tree."
--Patricia Longbottom

2. Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found an elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet-who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down, I asked if his wife was meeting him.
"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
--Patsy R. Dancey

3. One crazy day in our pediatric clinic saw me hand a young patient a urine sample container and tell him to fill it up in the bathroom. A few minutes later, he returned to my nurse's station with an empty cup.
"I didn't need this after all," he said. "There was a toilet in there."
--Linda Feikle

4. I was already a nervous wreck about my upcoming surgery. It didn't help matters when the admitting nurse asked me, "Have you had a hysterectomy before?"
--Terry Wisener

Do the Right Thing
5. Watching a movie recently, I couldn't hear the dialogue over the chatter of the two women in front of me. Unable to bear it any longer, I tapped one of them on the shoulder. "Excuse me," I said. "I can't hear."
"I should hope not," she answered. "This is a private conversation."
--David Carver

6. My husband decided to install a light switch in our master bedroom. Cutting into the wall, he discovered a stash of bottles and boxes.
"Honey!" he called excitedly. "Come see what I found!"
I ran in and quickly realized that his next task would be to fix the hole he had made in the back of our medicine cabinet.
--Nola Pirart

Wedded Blitz
7. The minute I walked into the post office, the postmaster noticed the new earrings my husband had given me.
"Those must be real diamonds," she said.
"Yes," I said. "How could you tell?"
"Because," she said, "no one buys fake diamonds that small."
--Deborah Caudell

8. When a woman in my office recently became engaged, a colleague offered her some advice. "The first ten years are the hardest," she said.
"How long have you been married?" I asked.
"Ten years," she replied.
--Tonya Winter

9. "What is that sound?" a woman visiting our nature center asked.
"It's the frogs trilling for a mate," Patti, the naturalist, explained. "We have a pair in the science room. But they've been together for so long, they no longer sing to each other."
The woman nodded sympathetically. "The trill is gone."
--KathyJo Townson

10. We rushed our four-year-old son, Ben, to the emergency room with a terrible cough, high fever, and vomiting. The doctor did an exam, then asked Ben what bothered him the most. After thinking it over, Ben said hoarsely, "I would have to say my little sister."
--Angela Schmid

11. "Once in Virginia," said a speaker who had received an introduction that promised more than he felt he could deliver, "I passed a small church displaying a large sign. It read 'Annual Strawberry Festival' and, below in small letters, 'On account of the Depression, prunes will be served.'"
--Boston Transcript

12. The best advice I ever received came to me from my ensign when I was a Wave at boot camp. She told me, "To stay out of trouble, say 'Yes, sir' all day and 'No, sir' all night."
--Anonymous

13. A friend and I were hitchhiking, but no one would stop. "Maybe it's our long hair," I joked. With that, my friend scrawled on a piece of cardboard: "Going to the barber's." Within seconds we had our ride.
--Raymond Butkus

14. A male friend of mine, an engineer at an aircraft company, works for a woman supervisor. An active member of women's lib groups, she often shows up at work wearing buttons featuring feminist slogans. One day, her latest button, "Adam was a rough draft," proved too much for my friend. The next day, he showed up at work sporting his own button: "Eve was no prime rib."
--Phyllis Reely

15. The teacher in one of our local grade schools was showing a copy of the Declaration of Independence to her pupils. It passed from desk to desk and finally to Luigi, a first-generation American. The boy studied the document reverently. Then, before passing it on, he gravely added his own signature.
--Katherine T. Floyd

16. On the way back from a Cub Scouts meeting, my grandson asked my son the question. "Dad, I know that babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?" he asked innocently.
After my son hemmed and hawed for a while, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust. "You don't have to make something up, Dad. It's okay if you don't know the answer."
--Harry Neidig

17. Driving with my two young boys to a funeral, I tried to prepare them by talking about burial and what we believe happens after death. The boys behaved well during the service. But at the gravesite, I discovered my explanations weren't as thorough as I'd thought. In a loud voice, my four-year-old asked, "Mom?"
"Yes," I whispered.
"What's in the box?"
--Ginny Richards

18. A family was celebrating their daughter's fifth birthday at a local restaurant when the little girl's father noticed her looking sadly at a moose head on the wall.
Someone had placed a party hat on its head. Her father knelt beside her and explained why some people hunt animals.
"I know all that," the child sobbed. "But why did they have to shoot him at his birthday party?"
--Jerry Bundick

19. On the last night of our childbirth classes, our teacher took us to see the maternity center.
We were gathered by the door when a woman, clearly in labor, and her nervous husband came rushing in.
When he saw our group of pregnant women, he panicked: "Oh, my God. Look at the size of that line!"
--Rachel Zeboski

20. We had just finished listening to an old Simon and Garfunkel tune when my young daughter asked, "Well, did he?"
"Did he what?" I asked back.
"Did Parsley save Rosemary in time?"
--Ron Pearce

21. A woman from our office brought in her new bundle of joy along with her seven-year-old son. Everyone gathered around the baby, and the little boy asked, "Mommy, can I have some money to buy a soda?"
"What do you say?" she said.
He replied, "You're thin and beautiful."
The woman reached into her purse and gave her son the money. --Mercury Nickse

On The Clock
22. When a nun collapsed in the sales representative's office at our time-share resort, the rep ran to the front-desk manager.
"Two nuns walked into the sales office, and one of them fainted!" she yelled breathlessly.
Unfazed, the manager just looked at her.
"Well," said the rep, "aren't you going to do anything?"
He replied, "I'm waiting for the punch line."
--Donna Caplan

23. Although desperate for work, I passed on a job that I'd found on an employment website. It was for a wastewater plant operator. Among the job requirements: "Must be able to swim."
--Michael Leamons

24. My first job was wrapping hams at a meatpacking plant. One day, I was heading out the main gate right behind a woman who was rather rotund. Or so I thought.
Just as she passed the guard shack, a ham dropped from her skirt. Before the guard could react, she wheeled around, shouting, "All right, who threw the ham?"
--Roger Schoen

25. While I was shopping in a pharmacy, a couple of teenagers came in. They were dressed in leather, chains, and safety pins. The boy had blue and purple spiked hair and the girl's hair was bright yellow. Suddenly the boy picked up a pair of sunglasses and tried them on. "What do you think?" he asked his girlfriend.
"Take them off!" she howled. "They make you look ridiculous."
--Audrey Kelly